Procrastination

If you’re a fellow procrastinator you know this struggle. The fear of not completing a task in the back of your mind while you continue to binge watch that entire series you have already watched a couple of times. It’s when you know exactly what you need to do in your head but you feel paralysed to actually completing the task in front of you.

Procrastination is, at least for me a sign that I’m mentally exhausted. To me it means that something is not right. I might have been blind to the real problem myself, but when I relapse I find it easy to understand myself a little bit better.

A lot of people can say, “Just do it”, “You’re being lazy”, but what they don’t see is the reason behind why you can’t ‘just do it’. It’s a cry for help that people fail to recognise. Even my loved ones do not understand. Yes, you can say that I’m making another excuse, maybe you’re absolutely right and maybe that’s exactly what I am doing. If letting people understand my reasons even a bit is an excuse, then so be it.

The reason why I decided to write this, is because I have been in a cycle of procrastination lately. I wake up, with a full determination but by the time I sleep, I see that I haven’t completed anything that I wanted to do. I  have led another fruitless day away from any real productivity and that sets an undertone of negativity for the next day which is something that again, gets you down.

When I say I know techniques to tackle this, I really do. The whole eating the elephant, and the pomodoro technique to study, are things I’m quite familiar with. Let me tell you they work extremely well. However, despite knowing all of this, I feel emotionally stuck and imbalanced to actually do anything about my little problem at this time period.

I need a lot more help than someone shouting in my ear, “DO IT, DO IT, DO IT”. I need someone to understand where I’m coming from and help me by actually helping me. It might be nothing to most but I feel like I do my best work when I have a clear mind and when I feel that I’m no longer shackled by the chains of procrastination.

P.S : Any tips on how to fight it will be greatly appreciated.

Thank you.

 

 

Yin and Yang

Harry Potter Vs Voldemort.
Light Vs Darkness

Remember, Harry Potter literally had a part of Voldemort’s soul inside his. Yet, he is a good person despite having a part of the darkest wizard of all time. Why? It’s his choices. They both are so similar yet so different because Harry chose to be good. Maybe that is why he is the chosen one. CHOICES. CHOOSE YOUR OWN  and be proud of those choices and stand for them. Just like Harry with Voldy.

The problem with life is the unpredictability. We can try to know and understand someone but that doesn’t mean we know them completely. We can’t divide people in good or bad . All of us have good and bad. It’s instilled in us. What defines a person, is the type of action they take when something unpredictable happens. Do you give in to the darkness or do you fight it instead? No one is white, and no one is black. I do not mean racially but what I mean is we have white and black in us. The Yin and Yang. 

Yin Yang illustrated from the Tao Te Ching [2]

When people see things as beautiful,
ugliness is created.
When people see things as good,
evil is created.

Being and non-being produce each other.
Difficult and easy complement each other.
Long and short define each other.
High and low oppose each other.
Fore and aft follow each other.

Besides, light cannot exist without darkness. For 4.5 billion years Earth has known it too. The whole world does not light up at once. Light and darkness, day and night. It’s the brilliance of the world that so many people fail to see. A murderer, could have done something extremely good in the past. A philanthropist could murder someone. Labels matter. What matters more is second chances. Know that no person is completely good or completely bad before you try to understand someone. You’ll be amazed with yourself  and the other person. Yes, the problem with life is its unpredictability, but when you solve that unpredictability in baby steps your life will make much more sense.

Next time, face life head on. It will be a painful ride, but face it head on. Imagine yourself in a boxers ring and your opponent is life. It is going to punch you left and right in unbelievable patterns and you will inevitably fall, and when you think you can’t go on anymore pick yourself up and punch the hell out of life as much as you can. Be a fighter.

 

Opportunity

This past week I learned that opportunity is not something that comes and knocks at your door. It’s something you chase after and obtain it however you can. It’s something that depends on your situation and all the people who is involved with you to help you achieve your goal. It arises with luck and holds on with will. Opportunity is something like that.

This is my definition of what ‘opportunity’ is. I say so because I have met people who are better off than me and my family, but wasn’t able to do what they wanted to because their parents weren’t supportive. I have met people who are very smart but forget to chase their dream however they can and end up not pursuing it. I have met people who has the opportunity but they didn’t have the willpower to complete their journey. I have met people who chased after their goal, had people to support them, and had the will but the situation did not comply with them.

I am only here because of the many people supporting my back, the people who make sure I can stand up again even when I fall. These people have sacrificed so much for me, and is willing to sacrifice even more. I feel extremely blessed to be so loved and cared for.

Opportunity is something as uncontrollable as that. I have it with luck after chasing it down, I only hope I have enough will power to hold on to it.

Embarked and Onboard

I’m the type to give up or forget about things I want to do. I’m the type to procrastinate and then go on forums to brag about being the ‘procrastination queen’. I’m the type to humiliate myself because it’s easier than getting hurt for feeling something. I’m the type who started two blogs and yet had to close it down because I could not keep up. I’m the type to plan every single hour and the next day I’m back to being me: the loser, the failure, the one who gave up too soon.

All of that changed. I graduated High School. For me it’s such a feat because I honestly thought I would quit. And now just look at me, I did it! I even went to prom and had a lovely time with my friends and now I’m looking at tomorrow with my arms open. I welcome it, I love it.

A levels came next and after a week, I even have a University offer. My life looks better than it ever used to. For me this blog is a reminder, that I can do things. I can move people and I can be happy.

This blog is also for everyone else who knows me, to remind them that I’m thinking of them and to thank them for the impact they had on a ‘loser’ who was running away from life. As independent as I am on the outside, I am so dependent on all the people around me. Without them I would have never made it.

I have embarked a journey and I’m onboard.